A Contest Proposal

Through the years, many trailhands have shared the words and ideas of myriad pols, pundits, and hacks. Many of these shared words and ideas were treasures of language and thought. Some even rose above mere brilliance, shedding more than wisdom and truth upon us. Some made us laugh out loud, even causing us to spray tea or coffee across our keyboards, pets or long-suffering spouses. It is about these latter gems of political literature that I concern myself today.

I propose an annual contest of the funniest and stupidest remarks published. Categories of risible moronia could include, columnists, reporters, and the politicians, themselves. As the NFL and MBL divide themselves into conferences, our contest could include a Main Stream ‘conference’ and a Back Water twitter ‘conference.’

Of course, the event and prizes would deserve publicity, for what would be the point of hiding your treasure under a biscuit ? Publicity could boost readership and ridership here on the Trail (and possibly donations, for those who care about mere bread, sox and rent).

Stan always asks, “What if trump refuses to vacate the Oval Office after he loses the election?”

Actually, the Russian mole would be more likely to hole up in Marla’s ego. However, if the racist rapist actually locked himself inside the Oval Office, pulling a trumpish coup against the Constitution, then the US Army and NSA could shut off his phones, computer, hookers, food, lights water, & nuclear football. I have no doubt that the USAA and USNSA are long past ready to see Trump gone.

When the frantic tweeting stops and the smell of rotten meat wafts from the cracks around the Oval Office doors, we’ll know that trump is no longer a danger. At that point in the 46th Administration, it’d be just a matter of removing the doors, cleaning up the messes, turning on the phones, computers, water and lights, opening the Air Wick, and moving in. Problem solved. The more I think about it, the more I think that this would be the anodyne against the cranky theory that whatever a (it’s always a republican) president does is both legal and God’s Will.

The Pence Gambit

It’ll be even more fun if pence gets the chance to cast the vote that removes trump, and he takes it. Imagine the brouhaha that would follow ! Those obese baseturds, manafort, kysliak, derapaska, bannon, barr, pompey, trump, corsi, limbaug and hannity would all have heart attacks. The impeachment and trial would go into syndication, outselling M*A*S*H, and the country would run out of popcorn !

pundits think that any rippers who vote against trump are doomed. But would they actually deny pence, their own newly sworn-in sitting president, the 2020 nomination ? Hell, pence could tell the convention delegates that if they don’t give him the nomination, he won’t pardon their disgusting godking savior. Hoo boy, would that raise a howling and a gnashing of dentures ! Then we’d go through Mexico’s and Brazil’s popcorn, too ! Oh, what an interesting, educational, and spectacularly inventive year we could have after three years of trump’s tedious monotone self-praise, ranting & bullying. Wouldn’t it be heavenly ?

So tonight before bed, tell your higher spiritual being that you really really really want this impeachment, and for pence to have his really really really big chance. If not for me, please do it for Iowa’s corn farmers.

Bumper Stickers For Todays Dems

Bumper Stickers for Today Dems (please rank your favorite, second favorite, and third favorite)
1. Lies, Spies & Shifty Guys
2. Russkies, Rapes, & Relatives
3. Confusion, Collusion, Delusion
4. Crooks, Spooks & Kooks
5. Saudis, Scams & Screwballs
6. Pollution, Perjury & Putin
7. Crooks, Cranks & Cruelty
8. Putin/Pence in 2020
9. Make America Glad Again (in Blue, natch)
10. Trouble, Treason & Trump