A Contest Proposal

Through the years, many trailhands have shared the words and ideas of myriad pols, pundits, and hacks. Many of these shared words and ideas were treasures of language and thought. Some even rose above mere brilliance, shedding more than wisdom and truth upon us. Some made us laugh out loud, even causing us to spray tea or coffee across our keyboards, pets or long-suffering spouses. It is about these latter gems of political literature that I concern myself today.

I propose an annual contest of the funniest and stupidest remarks published. Categories of risible moronia could include, columnists, reporters, and the politicians, themselves. As the NFL and MBL divide themselves into conferences, our contest could include a Main Stream ‘conference’ and a Back Water twitter ‘conference.’

Of course, the event and prizes would deserve publicity, for what would be the point of hiding your treasure under a biscuit ? Publicity could boost readership and ridership here on the Trail (and possibly donations, for those who care about mere bread, sox and rent).

Stan always asks, “What if trump refuses to vacate the Oval Office after he loses the election?”

Actually, the Russian mole would be more likely to hole up in Marla’s ego. However, if the racist rapist actually locked himself inside the Oval Office, pulling a trumpish coup against the Constitution, then the US Army and NSA could shut off his phones, computer, hookers, food, lights water, & nuclear football. I have no doubt that the USAA and USNSA are long past ready to see Trump gone.

When the frantic tweeting stops and the smell of rotten meat wafts from the cracks around the Oval Office doors, we’ll know that trump is no longer a danger. At that point in the 46th Administration, it’d be just a matter of removing the doors, cleaning up the messes, turning on the phones, computers, water and lights, opening the Air Wick, and moving in. Problem solved. The more I think about it, the more I think that this would be the anodyne against the cranky theory that whatever a (it’s always a republican) president does is both legal and God’s Will.

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53 thoughts on “A Contest Proposal”

  1. XR, amongst the stupidest might be those who’ve already declared the nominee winner when we’re only at the stage of conception.  a not-so-immaculate one at that.  they’re shouting “it’s a boy!”  when we still have 9 (NINE) more months to go.  too early to hand out cigars.  even with the super Tuesday angiogram to analyze, we may be seeing twins or triplets.

    so chill.  reach for another pickle,  let out the seams on the stretchiest jeans and every so often puke your head off.

  3. BTW, before anyone corrects my analogy and ruins my metaphors on the birth of a nation nominee, the guy/gal will be named in less than 6 months this july in Milwaukee (tho’ the new prez will be named in 9).

  4. In honor of such a contest, I shall simply plagiarize the martini fueled Dorothy Parker

    Oh life is a glorious cycle of song

    A medley of extemporanea

    Politics can never go wrong

    And I am Marie of Romania

     

  5. I nominate Mark Twain:

    “All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.”

  6. “A fool and his money are soon elected.”

    “Politics is so expensive, that it takes a lot of money to even be defeated.”

    “There ought to be one day – just one – when it is open season on Senators”

    All courtesy of Will Rogers

     

  8. Senator Kennedy of Louisianna puts on a good ole boy pose but in fact he is actually stupid.
    Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) defended remarks this week in which he called Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) “dumb,” saying that his comments were “accurate.”
    “Well, I didn’t mean disrespect,” he said Friday on Fox News, “but I do think what I said was accurate.”

    “Let me say it again: I think that what Speaker Pelosi is doing here is not only dumb, but it’s dangerous,” he said, referring to the House Democrats’ impeachment inquiry led by Pelosi.

  12. I nominate everyone at a Maggot Hat rally.

     

    ps…  so quiet…  no phone ringing…   bye, bye y’all…

  17. back in January another group filed an ethics complaint with DOJ IG against bill barr and the NY city bar assn sent a letter to congress to begin inquires according to

     https://www.alternet.org/2020/01/watchdog-group-files-formal-doj-complaint-against-bill-barr-for-his-abuse-of-power-for-trump/

     

    wonder if it’s still in the IG’s in box or already dumped in the circular file or burnt after reading

  21. Dershowitz’s cute little speech in the impeachment trial (were those “closing arguments” or the end of “opening arguments”?) was rather fucking dumb.  Did i win?

  22. Hey stupid on my tv — California is not a winner take all state

    more media pretense at knowledge when they are just ignorant foo;s

  23. Hey stupid on my tv — California is not a winner take all state

    more media pretense at knowledge when they are just ignorant fools

  25. https://www.cleveland.com/?fbclid=IwAR1EBU-Pl8KfKYTYXwEK_fXotbpV_Ywi1i7kmBht6bWc_DohSHP_hUMe1YY

    This Repug doesn’t deserve any publicity, but what she is doing to SFB is hilarious.  He doesn’t endorse her, but she refuses to stop using pics of her with him.   Although she lehrvvvz SFB, her response isn’t directly to him, but the end of the tweet is, “piss off punk.”

    You have to scroll down to ‘Trump Admin Demands Ohio Senate Candidate…’

  27. Ha-ha!  I wanna bake gingerbread men for Trumpsky & his minions.    All The Gingerbread Men

  29. jay Mathews gives us something to think about in his op ed today (specially when thinking about picking a running mate for mike):

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/trump-is-obsessed-with-height-now-hes-trying-to-weaponize-it-in-the-election/2020/02/11/030cc552-484f-11ea-ab15-b5df3261b710_story.html

    Democrats running for president, in rough order of height, include Joe Biden (6-foot), Bernie Sanders (6-foot), Tom Steyer (5-10), Pete Buttigieg (5-9), Elizabeth Warren (5-8), Amy Klobuchar (5-8) and, as I said, Bloomberg (5-8). Please alert me if you know any of those numbers to be wrong. Campaigns tend to exaggerate.

  30. x-r, you’ve out done yourself!  Great post!
    A Contest Proposal
    But where to begin?  Dana Milbank had some very funny op-ed’s in WaPo. But I wouldn’t be able to find them now.

     

    I especially like the IRONY or repube senators being appalled at what the dictator has done in the week after his non-conviction! They’re surprised that he didn’t learn a lesson.  LOLOL….

     

    On another note, I received 2 mailings from Bloomberg today. The reality is, as much as I don’t like him or his billions of $$$, I’d vote for him if I have to. Him or a guinea pig or a rock.

  31. I don’t care if a candidate is 4’0”

    And, the response to having SFB call you short is to own it…and then make Donald John Trump own the fact that he’s a lard ass.

  32. Politics is a compound word—from “poly” meaning “many”; and “ticks” meaning blood-sucking parasites.

  34. Brooklynites are natural-born hayseeds

    – George Washington Plunkett, Sachem of the Knights of St. Tammany

  35. Or, own being short and don’t be an overt bully, but move on to something substantial…like the processed food and beverage lobby & their products that cause obesity and contribute to health issues like diabetes and DEMENTIA!

  36. i feel a challenge for us, we who long for reason to be restored, going forward, is to not to respond to every dumb thing trump says.  he purposefully attempts to drive the conversation while simultaneously dumbing-it-down.  It has become tedious.

  38. Whatever is not nailed down is mine.

    What I can pry loose is not nailed down.

    – Often attributed to RR tycoon Collis Huntingdon. However, these sentences were first used in print in 1910 by David Starr Jordan, the president of Stanford University, as two proposed mottoes for greedy people in business and politics, whom he despised.

  39. He’s really a great guy. He sent me a very nice letter

    – donald trump on mass murderer kim jung un

  43. Mike stands with Pope Francis on climate change.   He’s only 3 weeks in and he’s covered so may angles.

  45. blue, you do girl!  The dictator has been setting up The Princess for a long time to enter nepotism politics!

  46. XR, great idea.  You’ll need to confer with Poobah about this, but how about having a button for submissions, keep it active until say November 14 or so.  Have a disinterested party (Poobah) lay the top 10 or so out to vote on following the election?

  48. There are good people on both sides

    – the racist russophile rapist referring to the event where one side threatened, beat and murdered at Charlottesville, VA

  49. XR, I’m not sure about that genius thing – more like too lazy to go fishing for stupidity tonight and too stupid to remember the best stupidity I’ve heard recently, secure in the knowledge that no matter how stupid we think what we’ve heard so far is, we ain’t heard nuthin’ yet.

  50. Regarding SFB’s criticism of her,

    Jackson, through a court spokeswoman, declined to comment.

    I like Jackson generally, but who needs a spokeswoman to say nothing?

  52. to stop more questions.  only need to say “no comment” once and better it be said by a spokesperson rather than seem rude.

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