Thank you so much for being so extremely willing to coordinate with us here at the President’s Team! Whatever it is that has made you entirely alter your position about how much power the Senate has to check the president since, uh, 2016, we appreciate you! Here is the president’s dictated list of requests for his Senate Trial. Obviously, there are a couple of ways this could go, so we wanted to get the options to you early!
First, the president wants to have the whistleblower come in, somehow, along with Adam Schiff. The whistleblower should deliver a long speech and blow three sorrowful blasts on “its whistle” (from the president’s use of pronouns to describe the whistleblower, we gleaned that he believed the whistleblower was some sort of anthropomorphic train) and tell the world how Schiff would not let the whistleblower testify, and then rear up to its full height, point at Schiff and say, “This is the Guilty Man!” Then the whistleblower would turn to the camera, say, “Mr. President, I am sorry, you are better than America deserves” and “chug” mournfully away to rejoin “its friend Thomas” or even brick itself up inside a wall to show remorse. (This request included a lengthy rant about how whistleblower protections are not relevant since trains have the American people on their side.)
Then Schiff is supposed to abase himself. He should testify that he is indeed “a bad man” and “knows what he did.” He should tear open his garments as a gesture of remorse and say, “Shifty’s my name,” but the president says he will not forgive him.
Then Volodymyr Zelensky should come in and say that he did not view the call as threatening, that it was perfect, and that he is opening an investigation into Hunter and Joe Biden — and what’s more, that he is opening the investigation right then and there! But he must be very careful not to “blink in a pattern.” (And then “we can give him the aid,” the president added, confusingly.)
Then they will “bring in the phone” (?) to show the call was perfect. (I don’t know what this means. Maybe the president thinks the phone broke because the call was too beautiful?)
[…a lot more paragraphs of trump-type silliness …]
The president will sit in the middle of the room in a judge’s robe and declare all the people who didn’t believe in him GUILTY! He will say, “You’re Fired!” and bang a big gavel. They will pronounce him President for Life, and they will clap and clap and clap.
The above are negotiable, but these are the riders that absolutely must be abided by:
1. No mean witnesses who make the president look wrong.
2. In the president’s dressing room, bowl of Sour Patch Kids; separate bowl of Sour Patch Parents.
3. No “bad facts” (?).
Let me know what you think! I am sure we can work something out. Maybe just something small and quick, before Christmas.
Must say I’m not a fan of squirrels. Furry rats. Altho in my youth they were good eaten. Last time I skinned a squirrel I quit shooting animals, about age 14 or 16 I think.
Seagull.
Jake the cat loves squirrels, it is his favorite meat. Every year a pair of squirrels nest in the ginko out back. Before the summer is over all the young offspring do something foolish and they become cat food. I do realize squirrel and foolish is redundant.
Jack
In the end, the story told by the two articles of impeachment approved on Friday morning by the House Judiciary Committee is short, simple and damning: President Donald Trump abused the power of his office by strong-arming Ukraine, a vulnerable ally, holding up hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid until it agreed to help him influence the 2020 election by digging up dirt on a political rival.
When caught in the act, he rejected the very idea that a president could be required by Congress to explain and justify his actions, showing “unprecedented, categorical and indiscriminate defiance” in the face of multiple subpoenas. He made it impossible for Congress to carry out fully its constitutionally mandated oversight role, and, in doing so, he violated the separation of powers, a safeguard of the American republic.
To quote from the articles, “President Trump, by such conduct, has demonstrated that he will remain a threat to national security and the Constitution if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the rule of law.”
The case now moves to the full House of Representatives, which on Wednesday will decide, for just the third time in the nation’s history, whether to impeach a president.
To resist the pull of partisanship, Republicans and Democrats alike ought to ask themselves the same question: Would they put up with a Democratic president using the power of the White House this way? Then they should consider the facts, the architecture and aspirations of the Constitution and the call of history. In that light, there can be only one responsible judgment: to cast a vote to impeach, to send a message not only to this president but to future ones.
By stonewalling as no previous president has, Donald Trump has left Congress with no choice but to press ahead to a Senate trial. The president insists he is innocent of any wrongdoing, yet he refuses to release any administration documents or allow any administration officials to testify — though, if his assertions are in fact true, those officials would presumably exonerate him. He refused to present any defense before the House whatsoever, asserting a form of monarchical immunity that Congress cannot let stand.
[continues]
Feathered rat.
Such strong opinions on squirrels! i have yet to be slighted by one, which is more than i can say for people. Oh, ye delightful people!
My friend had a rat in the house, so i named it, prompting him to request: “can you please refrain from anthropomorphizing my household pests? Because i have to kill them, and i don’t want my kids thinking i’m murdering their friends”.
I have never had a problem killing rats, mice, voles, moles, or squirrels. Throw in millipedes, spiders, spider mites, wood ticks, deer ticks, aphids, carpenter ants, grease ants, mosquitos, houseflies, bluebottles, greenbottles, deerflies, horseflies, earwigs, potato beetles, Japanese beetles, army worms, tussock moth larvae, English sparrows, starlings, crows, or grackles. My gawd, I’m a damned monster !
Squirrel stew is really quite good.
just don’t eat their brains. bad news. similar to mad cow disease.
squirrel used to be a special ingredient in KY burgoo
Burgoo!
Just word itself sounds like there should be a song about it.
If you are unfamiliar with the concept of burgoo, it’s Kentucky’s most famous stew, usually made for big gatherings (such as Derby Day) in huge kettles.
Burgoo dates to before the Civil War and as legend has it, was invented by a French chef. Like a mulligan stew, it’s sort of a empty-the-fridge recipe. Burgoos typically have at least three different meats, and plenty of vegetables such as corn, okra, and lima beans.
Burgoo lovers differ on whether the stew ought to be cooked into a brown, undifferentiated mass, or whether you can still see individual ingredients. Some say burgoo is just a stew if you can’t stand a spoon in it.
squirrel: “gee, sturge, you shouldn’t have. a nutty birthday cake just for me!”
fun from Alexandra Petri at wapo:
Dear Mitch,
Thank you so much for being so extremely willing to coordinate with us here at the President’s Team! Whatever it is that has made you entirely alter your position about how much power the Senate has to check the president since, uh, 2016, we appreciate you! Here is the president’s dictated list of requests for his Senate Trial. Obviously, there are a couple of ways this could go, so we wanted to get the options to you early!
First, the president wants to have the whistleblower come in, somehow, along with Adam Schiff. The whistleblower should deliver a long speech and blow three sorrowful blasts on “its whistle” (from the president’s use of pronouns to describe the whistleblower, we gleaned that he believed the whistleblower was some sort of anthropomorphic train) and tell the world how Schiff would not let the whistleblower testify, and then rear up to its full height, point at Schiff and say, “This is the Guilty Man!” Then the whistleblower would turn to the camera, say, “Mr. President, I am sorry, you are better than America deserves” and “chug” mournfully away to rejoin “its friend Thomas” or even brick itself up inside a wall to show remorse. (This request included a lengthy rant about how whistleblower protections are not relevant since trains have the American people on their side.)
Then Schiff is supposed to abase himself. He should testify that he is indeed “a bad man” and “knows what he did.” He should tear open his garments as a gesture of remorse and say, “Shifty’s my name,” but the president says he will not forgive him.
Then Volodymyr Zelensky should come in and say that he did not view the call as threatening, that it was perfect, and that he is opening an investigation into Hunter and Joe Biden — and what’s more, that he is opening the investigation right then and there! But he must be very careful not to “blink in a pattern.” (And then “we can give him the aid,” the president added, confusingly.)
Then they will “bring in the phone” (?) to show the call was perfect. (I don’t know what this means. Maybe the president thinks the phone broke because the call was too beautiful?)
[…a lot more paragraphs of trump-type silliness …]
The president will sit in the middle of the room in a judge’s robe and declare all the people who didn’t believe in him GUILTY! He will say, “You’re Fired!” and bang a big gavel. They will pronounce him President for Life, and they will clap and clap and clap.
The above are negotiable, but these are the riders that absolutely must be abided by:
1. No mean witnesses who make the president look wrong.
2. In the president’s dressing room, bowl of Sour Patch Kids; separate bowl of Sour Patch Parents.
3. No “bad facts” (?).
Let me know what you think! I am sure we can work something out. Maybe just something small and quick, before Christmas.
Thanks,
Team Counsel
In case I run into Moscow Mitch any time soon
https://media.giphy.com/media/rBvqx9UgLkI24/giphy.gif
Must say I’m not a fan of squirrels. Furry rats. Altho in my youth they were good eaten. Last time I skinned a squirrel I quit shooting animals, about age 14 or 16 I think.
Seagull.
Jake the cat loves squirrels, it is his favorite meat. Every year a pair of squirrels nest in the ginko out back. Before the summer is over all the young offspring do something foolish and they become cat food. I do realize squirrel and foolish is redundant.
Jack
NYTimes editorial board:
Impeach
In the end, the story told by the two articles of impeachment approved on Friday morning by the House Judiciary Committee is short, simple and damning: President Donald Trump abused the power of his office by strong-arming Ukraine, a vulnerable ally, holding up hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid until it agreed to help him influence the 2020 election by digging up dirt on a political rival.
When caught in the act, he rejected the very idea that a president could be required by Congress to explain and justify his actions, showing “unprecedented, categorical and indiscriminate defiance” in the face of multiple subpoenas. He made it impossible for Congress to carry out fully its constitutionally mandated oversight role, and, in doing so, he violated the separation of powers, a safeguard of the American republic.
To quote from the articles, “President Trump, by such conduct, has demonstrated that he will remain a threat to national security and the Constitution if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the rule of law.”
The case now moves to the full House of Representatives, which on Wednesday will decide, for just the third time in the nation’s history, whether to impeach a president.
To resist the pull of partisanship, Republicans and Democrats alike ought to ask themselves the same question: Would they put up with a Democratic president using the power of the White House this way? Then they should consider the facts, the architecture and aspirations of the Constitution and the call of history. In that light, there can be only one responsible judgment: to cast a vote to impeach, to send a message not only to this president but to future ones.
By stonewalling as no previous president has, Donald Trump has left Congress with no choice but to press ahead to a Senate trial. The president insists he is innocent of any wrongdoing, yet he refuses to release any administration documents or allow any administration officials to testify — though, if his assertions are in fact true, those officials would presumably exonerate him. He refused to present any defense before the House whatsoever, asserting a form of monarchical immunity that Congress cannot let stand.
[continues]
Feathered rat.
Such strong opinions on squirrels! i have yet to be slighted by one, which is more than i can say for people. Oh, ye delightful people!
My friend had a rat in the house, so i named it, prompting him to request: “can you please refrain from anthropomorphizing my household pests? Because i have to kill them, and i don’t want my kids thinking i’m murdering their friends”.
I have never had a problem killing rats, mice, voles, moles, or squirrels. Throw in millipedes, spiders, spider mites, wood ticks, deer ticks, aphids, carpenter ants, grease ants, mosquitos, houseflies, bluebottles, greenbottles, deerflies, horseflies, earwigs, potato beetles, Japanese beetles, army worms, tussock moth larvae, English sparrows, starlings, crows, or grackles.
My gawd, I’m a damned monster !
Squirrel stew is really quite good.
just don’t eat their brains. bad news. similar to mad cow disease.
squirrel used to be a special ingredient in KY burgoo
Burgoo!
Just word itself sounds like there should be a song about it.
If you are unfamiliar with the concept of burgoo, it’s Kentucky’s most famous stew, usually made for big gatherings (such as Derby Day) in huge kettles.
Burgoo dates to before the Civil War and as legend has it, was invented by a French chef. Like a mulligan stew, it’s sort of a empty-the-fridge recipe. Burgoos typically have at least three different meats, and plenty of vegetables such as corn, okra, and lima beans.
Burgoo lovers differ on whether the stew ought to be cooked into a brown, undifferentiated mass, or whether you can still see individual ingredients. Some say burgoo is just a stew if you can’t stand a spoon in it.
[continues]
NEW THREAD