The State of the Wall Address

By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor

My fellow Americans, I come to you tonight to speak about the state of the Wall. Mr trump claims that our nation will not be safe without his wall, and he’s holding the incomes of 400,000 loyal Americans hostage to get that wall out of your bank accounts.

Mr trump says that dirty, disease-spreading, drug-dealing, murderous rapists and terrorists will enter our nation, towns, and homes unless we build him his wall. The purporse of this claim is that all of you and all of your loved ones will become diseased, drug-addicted, raped, and murdered if we don’t comply. He also claims that rich people and Democrats all cower behind walls for protection, and that it ought to be the right of the common people to cower, too. As if he ever knew any of us commoners, beyond a smile, a wave, and perhaps a quick handshake followed by hand wiping.
Behind me you will see first a photograph of the trump tower in Manhattan. Next, you will see the trump tower Chicago on Wacker Drive. Third, is the Las Vegas trump tower and the trump tower here in Washington D.C. Do you notice any similarity in these buildings ? Of course, none of them have walls to protect the trumps, their guests, or their children from the disease-carrying, drug-dealing, murderous rapists and terrorists that lurk in the downtowns of these big cities. You might say that American cities are relatively safe from the dregs of shitholia, but here is a picture of the Istanbul trump tower. No wall there, either.

I put it to you, my fellow Americans, that if the trump properties, family, their guests, and their guest’s children don’t need walls, even in the roiling atmosphere of the Near East, then Americans like you and I don’t need Mr trump’s ridiculous wall, either. Call the number at the bottom of your screen and give Mr trump a message. Tell him that you don’t want his wall, and that you refuse to pay for it. Then tell him to pay our loyal employees, and Make America Great Again!

More Posts by xrepublican

Oh, For A New Symbol For Democrats!

By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor

The emblem of the Democrats, the bucking donkey signifying a defiant working class, is 147 years old. No one today associates the donkey with either hard work or liberation.

The broom, the rooster and the tiger have also been emblems of Democrats. The broom is a homie symbol of yester year, now replaced by the foreign Dyson and the hard-to-symbolize Swiffer, both trademarked.

Today, 98% of Americans don’t remember the import of the rooster, if they can even tell one from a chicken. The tiger is an endangered animal that can also be a man eater. So, nope, nope, nope, and nope to those four emblems.

It is time for something new, something different, recognizable, exciting, and resonating with only positive vibes.

What do you think ? Propose a new symbol, design, color, or whatever. Use your abundant creativities.

More Posts by xrepublican

Advisory Alert

Advisory Alert ! This report is Absolutely True ! 

By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor
As Your Alert Team was looking through the junk emails (mostly ads related to home loans, cures for baldness, fatness, and hearing loss, credit cards, tax services, roofing, banking services, toenail fungus and prostate trouble, sporting goods, erector pills & foods, sure fire investments, walk-in bathtubs, mega PigUp trucks, retirement communities, and driveway black topping) we found one intriguing piece, which we opened. It scared the hell out of us, and it should scare the hell out of you!

This email warned us that wiping while on the toilet leads to DEATH.

Actual email. Actual wording. After a half hour of unstructured levity, we began to pour no small amount of thought into the matter. We have now come to the opinion that everyone we have ever known, who has died, probably did wipe, while on the commode, prior to dying.

Act accordingly.

Your Alert Team 

OK, Here’s The Deal

By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor

As they say in the movies, here’s the deal: The rippers cut $1.3 TR!LL!ON out of the budget for health care coverage. This money is s’posed to fund the $1.5 TR!LL!ION of tax cuts for the rip-up’s B!LL!ONA!RE donor$.

Howz’about instead we divvy up the tax break equally between everyone in America? I figure that will be a payoff of about $4,500 per person, or $18,000 for the fictitious family of 4. That money could help a lot of people with their medical insurance payments, and it could help many of our ailing retailors, which means JOB$ ! JOB$ ! JOB$ ! 

Now, there’s something to contact your congress(wo)man or rat about.

More Posts by xrepublican

da Swamp

by XRepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor

It’s obvious that the trumpoviches believe that the Civil Service Act created the swamp. He intends to replace it with a spoils system.

The rest of us think that the swamp was the sea of lobbyists that cover DC to an average depth of approximately 5′ 10″. This and the pool of retired generals now comprise all the candidates to fill federal offices.

This Administration is at war with President Chester Allen Arthur, a man on the make who became clean once again.

More Posts by XRepublican