Advisory Alert ! This report is Absolutely True !
By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor
As Your Alert Team was looking through the junk emails (mostly ads related to home loans, cures for baldness, fatness, and hearing loss, credit cards, tax services, roofing, banking services, toenail fungus and prostate trouble, sporting goods, erector pills & foods, sure fire investments, walk-in bathtubs, mega PigUp trucks, retirement communities, and driveway black topping) we found one intriguing piece, which we opened. It scared the hell out of us, and it should scare the hell out of you!
This email warned us that wiping while on the toilet leads to DEATH.
Actual email. Actual wording. After a half hour of unstructured levity, we began to pour no small amount of thought into the matter. We have now come to the opinion that everyone we have ever known, who has died, probably did wipe, while on the commode, prior to dying.