Advisory Alert

Advisory Alert ! This report is Absolutely True ! 

By xrepublican, a Trail Mix Contributor
As Your Alert Team was looking through the junk emails (mostly ads related to home loans, cures for baldness, fatness, and hearing loss, credit cards, tax services, roofing, banking services, toenail fungus and prostate trouble, sporting goods, erector pills & foods, sure fire investments, walk-in bathtubs, mega PigUp trucks, retirement communities, and driveway black topping) we found one intriguing piece, which we opened. It scared the hell out of us, and it should scare the hell out of you!

This email warned us that wiping while on the toilet leads to DEATH.

Actual email. Actual wording. After a half hour of unstructured levity, we began to pour no small amount of thought into the matter. We have now come to the opinion that everyone we have ever known, who has died, probably did wipe, while on the commode, prior to dying.

Act accordingly.

Your Alert Team 
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38 thoughts on “Advisory Alert”

  1. Handy roll of tp can be used for writing wills, last minute gifting and obit…makes perfect sense.   What are the dangers, xrep?    May we see the email contents?

  2. “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
    Mark Twain

    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Mark Twain

  3. “To wipe off the froth of falsehood from the foaming lips of inebriated virtue, when fresh from the sexless orgies of morality and reeling from the delirious riot of religion, may doubtless be a charitable office.”
    Algenon Charles Swinburne

     

    Not sure what all that means but Orgies and inebriation sound pretty good – although I’m not in for that sexless orgy stuff.

  4. Pogo, thanks for the Swinburne quote.   He had an interesting life and a troubled one —  from the Amazon bio.

    He was a apparently a raging alcoholic and addict.  His friend, Watts-Dunton is credited with saving his life.

     It is often quoted that ‘he saved the man but killed the poet’. Algernon Charles Swinburne died on April 10th, 1909 at the age of seventy-two.

     

  5. seems there’s no escaping death…. or the twit even here

    1 Corinthians 15:52-55 KJV
    52In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. 55O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

  6. Who sent the email, xrep, Mr. Whipple?  (joke for old timers who can be easily taken down by cheap toilet paper!)

    Interesting read on fred, don and alcoholism from Newsweek, Jan. 2016.

    Untreated, teetotalers like the Diet Coke–swilling Donald are often control freaks, hyper-competent because somebody has to get things done in an alcoholic household, shockingly honest and occasionally suffused with rage—all scars from the family tragedies that have led to their not drinking.

  7. Whenever something needed doing…  my father used to say “shit or get off the pot!”  He never mentioned anything about wiping though….

  8. Toilets. You don’t need to be into stream of consciousness writing to know where this discussion is going.

     

  9. something’s very very fishy about that whitefish and other projects in Puerto rico proclaiming how much it costs and how long it will take to restore power.  meanwhile, elon to the rescue and presto! let there be light!

    npr: Tesla Turns Power Back On At Children’s Hospital In Puerto Rico

    Tesla has used its solar panels and batteries to restore reliable electricity at San Juan’s Hospital del Niño (Children’s Hospital), in what company founder Elon Musk calls “the first of many solar+battery Tesla projects going live in Puerto Rico.”

    The project came about after Puerto Rico was hit by two devastating and powerful hurricanes in September, and Musk reached out about Tesla helping.

    Musk’s company announced its success in getting the hospital’s power working again less than three weeks after Puerto Rico Gov. Ricardo Rossello tweeted on Oct. 6, “Great initial conversation with @elonmusk tonight. Teams are now talking; exploring opportunities.”

    Tesla’s image of the project’s solar array, in a parking lot next to the hospital, has been liked more than 84,000 times since it was posted to Instagram Tuesday.

    Earlier this month, Musk tweeted that some of his company’s work is being rerouted so it could “increase battery production for Puerto Rico & other affected areas.”

    The hospital’s new system allows it to generate all the energy it needs, according to El Nuevo Dia. The facility has 35 permanent residents with chronic conditions; it also offers services to some 3,000 young patients, the newspaper says. As for who is paying for the power system, the head of the hospital tells Nuevo Dia that for now, it’s a donation — and that after the energy crisis is over, a deal could make it permanent.

    Both Rossello and the tech company tweeted about the project this week, with Tesla saying in a post, “Grateful to support the recovery of Puerto Rico with @ricardorossello” — and Rossello stating, “A major contribution of @Tesla to the Hospital del Niño.”

    and

    usatoday

    More than a month after Hurricane Maria hit, Tesla has restored power at the Children’s Hospital in Puerto Rico.

    Tesla CEO Elon Musk revealed the solar project Thursday.

    The hospital “is the first of many solar+battery Tesla projects going live in Puerto Rico,” wrote Musk on Instagram, along with an image of a series of solar panels. “Glad to help support the recovery.”

  10. XR: Love the humorous post! If trumplestiltskin got this alert he is probably sorry now that he didn’t lob toilet paper instead of paper towels at his Puerto Rico photo op!

    Pat: Elon is the exception to the rule-a wealthy person who tries to do good! There are a couple others of note, but most are like their sfb leader. The big money electric contract making news seems to be more crony feeding, what a surprise.

    Something pleasant to share: This is a great commentary on…well…I guess…everything! Love the opening “a reading from the book of Carl” 🙂 Enjoy! 

  11. WAKE UP – we keep getting screwed:Pay attention to what is actually happening in the House of Representatives. While we are all sidetracked by Trump/Pence and the NFL, Trump vs. Puerto Rico, Harvey Weinstein & the Sexual Predation of All Hollywood, the locked Kennedy files, or the MLB American League Division Playoffs this week, it’s worth noting that the following bills have been introduced in the House of Representatives:1. HR 861 to Terminate the Environmental Protection Agency
    2. HR 610 – Vouchers for Public Education (which may end free public education as we know it)
    3. HR 899 to Terminate the Department of Education (which may lead to greater disparity between states but nobody who uses public education ever moves so it’s all good)
    4. HR 69 to Repeal the Rule Protecting Wildlife
    5. HR 370 to Repeal the Affordable Care Act
    6. HR 354 to De-fund Planned Parenthood (exactly none of your tax dollars go toward abortion services)
    7. HR 785 – National “Right to Work” (this one is actually a ‘Right to fire you whenever your boss feels like it” law, and it would effectively end unions)
    8. HR 83 – Mobilizing Against Sanctuary Cities Bill
    9. HR 147 to Criminalize Abortion (“Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act”) (these private decisions should not be made by your legislator and employer)
    10. HR 808 to Impose Sanctions Against Iran (even though they are in compliance with the agreement according to those in the know)

  12. KC, thanks for the list of nepharious shit the pugns are trying to foist upon an unsuspecting public.  7 & 9 will face significant Constitutional problems if they pass the House (likely) and the Senate (questionable at best).  The others will rise or fall based largely upon the application of the filibuster in the Senate, or if not applicable, upon the conscience and resolve of 3 republican senators.  I really hope that those 3 senators still exist.

    Thank you so much deplorables and “protest” voters.

  13. the hill:

    Democratic mega-donor Tom Steyer fired back at President Trump in a series of tweets on Friday after Trump hit him on Twitter for funding an ad campaign calling for the president’s impeachment.

     

    “You’re right about one thing, Mr. Trump. I have been fighting your racism and corporate groveling from the beginning-and always will,” Steyer said in a tweet replying to Trump.

    [….continues…]

     

     

  14. wapo:

    President Trump informed Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) Friday that he will shrink Bears Ears National Monument, a 1.35-million-acre protected area in southeast Utah that is prized by many tribal leaders but opposed by several state and federal Republican officials.

    “I’m approving the Bears Ears recommendation for you, Orrin,” Trump told the senator in a phone call Friday morning, according to Hatch’s office, just before Hatch stepped onstage for an event on women in technology in Utah.

    [….]

    “I have to say we’re not surprised. We generally expected the president to make the wrong decision,” said Natalie Landreth, an attorney for three of the five Native American nations that petitioned the Obama administration to designate the monument, the Zuni, Hopi and Ute Mountain Utes.

    Landreth said tribal leaders have a legal claim “ready to go” and could file it as soon as the president formally announces a decision. “We’re confident he doesn’t have the authority to do this. He can expect to be tied up in court for the next several years and ultimately fail,” she said.

    The attorney general for the Navajo Nation also said its legal claim is prepared. Like the tribes represented by Landreth, it anticipated a decision against a monument when Zinke traveled to Utah and the Bears Ears site and met with tribal representatives for just one hour during a three-day trip.

    “We’re going to work hard to defend Bears Ears,” said Ethel Branch, the attorney general. “I think the administration has no legal basis for this authority.”

    Branch, who’s Navajo, said Bears Ears has a special importance for one of the largest tribes in the United States. “It’s the birthplace of our most prominent leaders. Our people have a close connection to the land. There are plants and minerals we utilize on a regular basis that we harvest from the site. It’s a unique repository for our tribal members,” she said.

    The Navajo Nation covers 27,000 square miles in and around Utah, an area larger than Massachusetts. It’s made up of 110 local government units and regional councils represented by an elected president and other leaders. Though some individual members of the tribe opposed the monument designation, as Zinke and Utah officials have argued, the elected Navajo leaders and most members fully supported it, Branch said.

    The Center for Western Priorities in Denver is one of many conservation groups that vowed to join the tribes in suing to block any changes to Bears Ears. “President Trump and his administration will stop at nothing to sell out America’s parks and public land,” said its deputy director, Greg Zimmerman.  

    “On the 159th birthday of Teddy Roosevelt, America’s greatest conservation president, President Trump and Interior Secretary Zinke are launching an unprecedented attack on Roosevelt’s legacy,” he said. “This foolish attempt to erase protections for Bears Ears . . . will meet immediate legal challenges, and it is destined to fail in court.”

  15. Pat, how ironic, having brave, brave republicans attacking the work of the Hero of San Juan Hill, the great Republican warrior and American conservationist, Theodore Roosevelt.

  16. Lock ’em Up!!   Will the first charges be against manafort or flynn or both?

    It explains the push by the repugs and trumpence junta this week to indict clinton and obama as traitors in russian dealings.  Worthless culture wars and phony innuendo deflect from the russian investigation and the unending regression-du-jour.

     

  17. Republished an old bog article with intro and comment following.  https://jamiesplace.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/then-it-happened/#comment-5016

  18. BW

    You go girl…better to light 30 candles for Mueller then to curse PG at any hour

    and thanks it seems to be working

  19. Candles and praying mantis…all working for justice.

    So, it begins and this moves so much faster in the digital age unlike watergate…waiting on old news delivery back in the day was so ‘slomo.’   The repug pushback and faux news headlines this week were the first signs that the first shoe was about to drop on the investigation.   trump knows this is coming and the juniors — the offspring of flynn and trump, should also be worried about indictments.  Like madoff, the sons of the criminals will pay a price.

  20. JFK reveal (kinda), Kremlingate indictment news and Hillary’s birthday … all in the span of two days.

    What’s next? Will Jimmy Hoffa show up on Halloween as a zombie?

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